Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
