it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
