Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
