I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she told me i tasted like america
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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