We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
