last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
whose parrot is this?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
