You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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