I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize