I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
