it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
