i may or may not be watching the land before time
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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