Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
