so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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