I think my vagina is haunted
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize