We're like a lot better than the average bears
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
