I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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