ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ttyl tear gas
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
