So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
