I bet he comes in French.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
