i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
