We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
