you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
