If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
