you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize