Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
this boner is exhausting
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
