She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
