maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
