I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
