So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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