brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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