My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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