exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
