you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
