You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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