Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
