I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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