NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
