We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
