This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
