I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
