So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
