Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
