and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I need moral support for this bender
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
