I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think my vagina is haunted
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My liver just had a heart attack.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
