Buhtt sex?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
