david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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