I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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