I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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