ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
