she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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