He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
