I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He passed out mid-signature
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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