I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
