woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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