I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
