she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
