My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
