Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
soo... how was my night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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