She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
