Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
