oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
