how can u be prego again
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
