I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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