nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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