My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
