He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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