I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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