the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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