Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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