wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
