I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
