If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
