I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
