We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
