Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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