I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
