Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
