I cockslap morals
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
