just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
