It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
