I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
