I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize