I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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