I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
