Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
