Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
