She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
