Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
