Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
