This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
