Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize