Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
