So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
