I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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