apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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