You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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