You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
